Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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