I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My vagina is officially offended.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
