I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
