my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
