The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize