would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You should frame my arrest warrant.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
