I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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