you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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