So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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