I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
