Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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