tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
