Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
