i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Welp...herpes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
