Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
