If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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