He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
