Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
