great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
