We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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