I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There r osticjed everywhere
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
