everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
