my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
