His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
