I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
