i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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