Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Are we still banned from the library?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
