Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
