Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
