"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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