cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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