I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
