soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
