I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
