I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
