it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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