I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
