I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize