i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
