Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
only if we run a train.
done.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
