On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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