I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
