goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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