Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm passing your future prison.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
