remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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