I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
