don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
