I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
