I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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