I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
