Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
