Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
