Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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