Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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