Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
