Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
