is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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