My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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