This house was built for laser tag.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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