I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
