due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize