maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
