How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
