He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am naked and annoyed.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
