You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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