Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
