Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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