I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
