when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
