Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
